re-published from my tumblr.
disclaimer: this has been edited for clarity.
ok. to start. I looked at the director's page on imdb, and her only other movies have been low rated. This is not a good sign. But, of course, I have seen first hand how wrong the movie critics can be about a subject. Past performance is not an indicator of future results. Necessarily. So this cannot be submitted as hard evidence as to why it might suck huge nuts, to put it plainly.
This film is also being produced by Blumhouse. Blumhouse has a few good movies, sure, but mainly it's average, very much imo, though. When I heard that BH was producing, I fell into a fit. The FNAF movie deserves to be show-stoppingly good. BH will likely not produce a movie that critics will enjoy. It will, at best, be kind of good. But most likely it will not be a good movie.
once again, past performance/future results, but still. the sample size is large enough to make predictions, as opposed to the director, who has only directed two movies.
They should have let me write and direct it. Just saying.
OK. I don't expect that there will not be much lore in this movie. They're bringing this down to nine year-old levels. Those are poopy diaper baby levels. This is THE child death series. And they're marketing it to kids who weren't even there in the (fandom) trenches.
I'm aware I'm maybe being a little harsh. Who says one cannot be a die-hard fan of fnaf at age 9? I wouldn't dare. However, I think it's fair enough considering the levels of child death, gore, killing, and all around unpleasantness depicted in the series, and besides, this movie is going to be watered down enough so that people who aren't acquainted with the series (read: people who actually get offline sometimes) can understand it.
The addition of the quirky little girl -- ostensibly to provide sympathy for the main character -- is bullshit. We all know she's going to wander off. Because kids in horror movies don't know how to follow directions. She's going to wander off, almost get killed or something, and the whole time we're supposed to be like "OH MY GOD! No way! There can't be child death in the Child Death series!" And there won't be! Because this is a studio film marketed to nine year-old boys. Nevermind the likely PG-13 rating.
But the girl won't die. She only exists for the main character to get into Situations. Shenanigans. Scenarios. And we're supposed to be scared for her.
I'm not sure why they included the whole forest with the children thing; maybe to stretch it out? Watching Josh Hutcherson press buttons and check security feeds can't be that entertaining, anyway. I'm not sure what they're trying to do with it, because the trailer already has him saying that their spirits are in the suits, iirc. So that's not the reveal. It has me worrying that they're going to try and shove the most simplified version of the lore into one movie. In my experience, they do this with movies they're not confident are going to gross well enough for a franchise. See the travesty that is Ms. Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. So the appearance of Springtrap is a concern. It looks like Springtrap at least, or maybe it's Afton before the Squishening in the Easter Bonnie suit.
Why is Vanessa there? Vanny? I wonder if this is also going to be a false start, like the whole thing with Mike Schmidt is likely going to be. In all likelihoods, they're going to set her up as a love interest. But even if they don't, her involvement is baffling.
I'm worried, to say the least. This is all just speculation. But I'm not going to go into the theater expecting a good movie. All I want is for the series to not be fucked around with. It's been incredibly important to me for many years, and I just want a fair adaptation. It doesn't even have to be good. Is that too much?
july 13 2023
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